Blog

My musings

The Key?

This is adapted from a story I heard from Gururaj Karajige.

Life doesn't come with a user manual. Each one of us learn mostly bu observation, sometimes on our own on how to deal with what life throws at us. For example, one may find tobacco or alcohol being most helpful to cope and another may find sharing their feelings a way to cope. Some of these coping mechanisms are adaptive and some maladaptive. 

A lock does not have a key to lock and an another to open. It is that one key that both locks and opens it. Our mind is the key.  

If you think the mind is the problem, the mind is also the solution. Think about it. 

What is counselling?

Ca la vie, say the French. Such is life.

Life is a journey and the road is uneven. All of us start out riding this road on a tricycle, then a bicycle, a motorcycle, then a car and sometimes even in a luxury car. What is the difference, one may ask?

A vehicle is something to get you from point A to point B. Apart from the time taken, if the road is smooth and you enjoy the journey, it does not matter what you are on, to reach your destination. If the road is uneven, full of potholes and undulations, add traffic to that, I know Bangalore traffic comes to your mind. But life is such a road. To add to that, there is no map to navigate our life, so we tend to get lost. On top of this, each one of us has our own life experience and idiosyncrasies. Now imagine riding the road on a bicycle, a motorcycle, a simple sedan and a luxury car. On a bicycle, perhaps you can maneuver better however, you will feel each and every pothole on the road, not to mention the seat giving you a wedgie. A motorcycle, almost like a bicycle, easy to maneuver, but much riskier but you will feel much less of the potholes and undulations. What if we could make our rides better? Now, imagine a simple car, might not be very easy to maneuver to avoid the potholes, still, even if you go over one, it will not feel as bad a bicycle or a motorcycle. In a high-end luxury car, a water glass filled to the brim may not spill when it goes over a pothole. 

Sometimes we need help to make our life better. 

This is where counselling comes in. Counselling is not about changing the road or making the road better. It is about making the journey better. Many a time, we do not have control over the environment and circumstances; hence we should learn how to cope well. A counselor will help you make the right changes in your thought and behavior to make this happen. If you need help with your life journey, please call us.
Techniques used: You will notice certain things in the above narration. Abstract storytelling, Metaphor, Existentialism.

Am I ready for counselling / therapy?

That's a great question. You are here, so a resounding Yes. 

Transtheoretical Model of Change describes the stages of behavioral change. These stages are distinct enough for us to gauge our progress.  The stages are 

1. Precontemplation

2. Contemplation

3. Preparation

4. Action

5. Maintenance

6. Termination

You are asking this question, you are in stage 2. You are reading this, you are doing a bit of stage 3.  Please reach out to a therapist (need not be only with mindmend). 

To know more about these stages, read this. 

https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F0022-006X.51.3.390  

The do-gooders. A tale of a snail

Please bear with me, as I am trying to unfold my thoughts

I observed this while on my morning walk.

Snail tale

I am a snail. I am called the Shankada-Hulu in Kannada because my shell is like a conch. I reside in a small burrow in a beautiful park. One fine Sunday morning, I stepped out to visit a friend. There were a few morning walkers. You know, I am slow. So, I took my time to cross the walking path. No one took much notice. One chap a wannabe ethnographer just took a photo and moved on. He seemed to keep a note of how much ground I covered. I was halfway across the path, a kind lady stopped by, picked me up and put me back where I started. I had to start all over again. The ethnographer came and noticed what the lady did and also told her that from his observations she was wrong to move me. So, she again picked me up and put me on the other side of the path. There I almost fell into the tree pit and had to come out of my shell to pull myself out.

Notes

I observed (see top right picture in the collage) the general direction of the snail to determine its trajectory. I do not know what happened to the snail eventually, whether it was safe or not? My interest was not idle curiosity. I would like to also believe mine were unbiased observations and interpretations.

Musings

Nobody asked where the snail wanted to go. There were a few who did not bother, even acknowledge its presence. One fellow (the author) was curious but chose not to interfere. The do-gooder thought the snail was struggling to cross the path, someone may step on it and kill it. She did not know where the snail was heading, at least the observer knew. But with only good intentions in heart, she moved the snail. When pointed out, she again repeated her mistake, instead of letting the snail be on its own.

This is what is happening in our society. All of us are moving at our own pace. Some may not even know we exist and that is OK. Some may take interest in us but do not interfere, even that is OK. But some, without our consent, interfere. Some do it with all the good intentions, some with vested interests. Of course, one may argue that a snail cannot think for itself, may not know what it wants, may not know the risks.

We (the not so...) tend to remind the downtrodden that they are downtrodden and they need our help to overcome their troubles. They were never given the autonomy to choose.

This lack of choice is not limited to communities. As they say, it starts at home. Children are not given the freedom to choose. An argument most often used is, "they don't know what is good for them". It is possible, this is correct, however, should we give the individual the dignity of risk?

This in itself is a bit contradictory, as is to say "allow" "give". Who are we to "give" or "allow"? Can we allow ourselves to be their weather vanes, guides and possibly an invisible safety net for people we want to help? Actively interfere only if the individual is in grave danger and helpless. Would this be the correct approach?

This notion of mine is supported by the view of a person who has a condition brought on by birth. This condition has not stopped him from doing anything, except maybe sky diving. Anyway, as apparent to others, he looks vulnerable and one who requires help. But he gets mightly irritated when someone does not ask him before they provide help. For example, offer him a wheelchair instead of just a hand to support his gait.

Key Takeaways

1. Be aware of people around you. Keep an ear and eye open for any cry for help

2. Give emergency aid where needed and proceed to empower them. You are successful only when the person you helped does not need you

   1. Find the right balance between assistance and empowerment

3. Do not assume what the person wants. Ask them. If they do not know, help them discover them. Do not impose your views on them

Psychology and Philosophy 

The origins of practice of modern psychology is philosophy. You may notice in therapy we might encounter existential and philosophical questions.  Of course, you will be given a fair warning if we are deviating from the modern psychological theories and body of knowledge to use of philosophical concepts. All in the interest of getting you, the client the required insight and support.